A new year, a
new chance at love. At least, that's what Andy Gromada figures.
True,
Andy will spend New Year's Eve, the biggest date night of the year, with his
roommate and several friends of both sexes at the Big Night Baltimore
celebration at M&T Bank Stadium. When the clock strikes midnight, he will
give out meaningful handshakes and kisses on the cheek. But despite some serious
looking in the past year, Andy won't be with that one special
someone.
Not that he's unique. There are 81.6 million adults in the
United States who are single, census data for 2000 shows, and a staggering
number are actively looking for love. According to comScore Networks, a
Virginia-based Internet market research firm, 38 million Americans ages 18 and
older visited a personals Web site in October.
Revenue from online dating
services and personal advertisements was $214.3 million for the first six months
of 2003 - a 76 percent increase over the same period in 2002.
Early last
year, Andy joined the online singles community. Previously, he had depended on
informal channels to meet women, but in 2003, he decided to sharpen his methods
for identifying potential partners. And though he hasn't yet found Ms. Right,
he's had a lot of fun - and remains upbeat.
"I've had great relationships
in the past," he says, "so it's only a matter of time before I have
another."
That probably won't happen by midnight tomorrow. But in the
spirit of new beginnings, and for online daters everywhere, here's a little
about Andy, off-line and in his own words.
Name: Andy Gromada
Age:
33
Residence: Mays Chapel
E-mail: getdrewmail@
yahoo.com
Height: 5'7"
Hair color: Red
Eye color:
Hazel
Body type: Fit and athletic
Marital status: Single, never
married
Have kids?: No
Want kids?: Yes, with the right
person
Education: Bachelor of science, Towson
University, 1996. Business major with a concentration in
marketing.
Employment: I work for an Internet security
company.
Smoke?: No
Drink?: Socially
Religion: Spiritual,
but not religious
Political views: Moderate
Hobbies: Mountain
biking, running, skiing, paint ball, art, painting, watching pro
football
Three words friends use to describe you: Funny, adventurous,
intelligent
Characterize your sense of humor: Sarcastic
Five
qualities you seek in a soul mate: Classy, self-confident, career-oriented,
warm, romantic
Write a brief headline about you and your ideal match:
Searching for Ms. PacMan
Describe yourself and the person you're looking
for:
In February or March, I decided that I was going to make an active
effort to meet the woman I will spend the rest of my life with. So far, I've
tried match.com and speed dating. I've had maybe 10 dates this year, but I
haven't found anyone special yet. The point is, I'm out there, I'm meeting new
people, and I'm having fun. That's an achievement by itself. The rest will
follow. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
I've had three
significant relationships that have ended. While they haven't led to marriage,
I've dated three great women, and I love them all. So my standards are very
high. I don't want to settle for less.
My longest relationship lasted six
years. My last relationship ended a year-and-a-half ago. I had high hopes for
it, and when we broke up, I was very taken aback. I decided I needed to take a
little vacation from dating. After several months, I realized that I was having
too much fun on my own. I can distract myself so easily. I had to remind myself:
"I might not want to do this forever." That's when I decided to start looking
again.
This is the first time I've ever had to make an effort to meet
women. I don't date women who work for the same company that I do, but I would
meet them tangentially through my job. I used to travel a lot for business, and
I met women that way.
My hobbies, unfortunately, all are things I do on
my own. I ride my mountain-bike in the summer, and I run in the winter, and I
don't do either as a social thing. I go as fast and as hard as I can, even if
it's 100 degrees. It helps clear my head. I need that time by myself; I wouldn't
last with a woman who wanted me to spend all my spare time with her.
I'm
also older now. Most of my close friends I've known for 15 or 20 years, and all
but one is married. It's a different world, and although I love hanging out with
them, it's not a good way to meet single women.
I tried the Web site
match.com for three months. You fill out a form about yourself and about what
you're looking for in a mate, and a computer matches you with people of the
opposite sex. You can also search the site on your own. I posted my photo, and
sent out e-mails to probably 10 or 20 women.
I got absolutely no
responses. Zero. I thought: What's going on here? Later, I talked to a friend
who met his wife through match.com. He told me that when she used the service,
she used to get 100 to 200 e-mails a day, and that's typical for
women.
Then, another friend told me about speed dating. In 8minuteDating,
where I've had the best results, you meet eight people for eight minutes each.
When the evening is over, you go home and fill out a form. If you're on the list
of men she wants to date, and she's on your list, the service will exchange your
personal information.
You are introduced to a lot of people you wouldn't
meet in your everyday travels. Everybody is really nice, and there's a lot of
energy in the room. I really do think that people who go to these things are
serious about finding a good match for themselves.
So far, I've had seven
dates, but nothing has come of it. We went out, and either the chemistry just
wasn't right, or we didn't have much in common.
But I'm not discouraged.
I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I'm a very optimistic person. You know what they
say - it only takes one date. That's true of relationships and everything else
in life.
