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This story was published in
Everyday Magazine on Sunday, July 21, 2002.
DATING LITE
By
Deborah Peterson
Of The
Post-Dispatch
* Eight-minute "dates" give singles first impressions of
potential partners, with no strings attached.
You could call
it Easy Mac dating.
In 64 minutes, eight men and eight women
each have eight dates. A Virginia Reel without the do-si-dos.
Painless.
An eight-minute date gives you just about enough
time to hit some of the highlights but to avoid -- you hope --
putting your foot in your mouth.
On a recent night at Have a
Nice Day Cafe at Union Station, 15 people -- it was supposed to be
eight men and eight women but one of the women bailed -- gathered to
try this form of speed dating.
It was the debut event in St.
Louis for 8minuteDating, the market leader in the bustling
enterprise of turbo-dating. 8minuteDating was inspired by the
original fast-date service, SpeedDating, which is a nonprofit
organization that serves Jewish singles only.
This evening's
event was designed for single professionals age 25 to 35. Organizers
Melia Huelsmann and Jennifer Mannion had posted ads in area
newspapers and put up signs in cafes and bars around town to find
singles. Participants paid between $23 and $33 to attend, depending
on when they had signed up and whether they had cashed in on special
offers such as being put on the company's mailing list.
As
people began to gather at 6:45 p.m., with dating to begin about
7:15, they stood around eyeing one another with an occasional
friendly smile or nod of the head.
One fellow stationed
himself at the bar with an ashtray and a cigarette; a tall, slender
woman with slacks that had lattice-work cutouts up the sides stood
alone; four women chatted together enthusiastically; and one man
answered a reporter's questions while two women smiled and said they
did not want to be included in an article about the event.
In an effort to make the evening as comfortable as possible,
the ground rules are that only first names are used, and
participants are not allowed to ask prospective dates about future
contacts. The pressure is on to make a good first impression, but
off in the sense that you don't immediately find out what anyone
thought of you.
Participants have 48 hours to decide what
they think. In that time they can go to the company's Web site and
say whether they are interested in anyone for dating, friendship,
business or all three. If a person doesn't find anyone of interest
at all, he or she gets to attend the next event for free.
If
two people write the same thing about each other, the system
automatically sends each of them an e-mail with their names and
e-mail addresses and then they are free to make contact on their
own. If one person is interested, but another is not, that's the end
of that.
Chrissy, 24, said she was there because she saw a
newspaper ad seeking participants.
"I thought, what the
heck?" she said. "I guess I'm just tired of trying to meet people
through the bars and whatever."
Chrissy said she was a
Washington University graduate who works in the health industry,
where she doesn't have the opportunity to meet many single, young
men. She added that she has lived in St. Louis for six years and
that most of the people she knew while she was in school have moved
away.
John, 28, from Collinsville, said he was in the
restaurant business. He said he saw an ad for the event in the
bathroom of the cafe.
"I thought it'd be, you know, $30. Not
bad. I'd try it out. When you get into your mid- and late-20s, it
gets harder to meet people. After about 24, your resources dry up."
John added that he was enthusiastic about the participants.
"It's a better-looking crowd than I expected," he noted.
After the crowd had warmed up a little, Huelsmann and
Mannion put a kitchen-style timer on a table and told participants
it was time for the dating to begin. Each person had a card with
space to record reminders about their dates and with table
assignments so they would know where to go for each date.
It
did not go as smoothly as the women had planned. As the first round
began, one man was left alone while a woman sat by herself at a
table nearby. They were matched up for a later date but not for this
one. Huelsmann put them together anyway. It was probably a good
thing because later in the night, after the event had ended, the two
were having a drink and talking together at the bar.
When
the timer went off, participants headed toward their second dates.
They were getting into the swing of things now and looked much less
tense than they had when the evening began. The body language was
loosening up and several people appeared to be actually enjoying
themselves.
After the first round of four dates, there was
an intermission. The bar had set up some free appetizers (wings and
mini tacos) and participants had a chance to stretch a little and
grab a drink, if they were so inclined.
Chris, 29, a tall,
good-looking man with dark, curly hair and a big smile, said during
the break that he runs a kitchen in the contract food business and
lives in Ballwin. He added that the evening was going pretty well,
in his opinion.
"It's actually been a lot easier than I
thought it was going to be," Chris said.
After a quick
nibble and a sip or two of refreshment, participants headed back to
their tables. Another round of the Virginia Reel and, suddenly, it
was the end of the night.
People lagged behind, with some
breaking off in comfortable twosomes and others regrouping with
friends.
"I had a great time," said Denise, 31. "I was
surprised that everyone was so - well, I'm embarrassed to say this -
normal. I thought there would be lots of weirdos, but there
weren't."
Denise said she met two men she would like to get
to know better, one for friendship and one for dating. Her friend,
Tina, said she had a good time, too, and that the conversations had
become easier as the night went on.
"The last one, we asked
no regular questions. We just talked about coaching," Tina said. "I
met people I wouldn't mind hanging out with."
At last count,
Huelsmann said, everyone met someone that night they wanted to see
again. While there's no way to predict what may come of those
meetings, by most standards it was a successful night. In some
reports about 8minuteDating, participants said they initially felt
lousy if they weren't chosen, but that the disappointment wears away
quickly - probably because of the anonymity.
Huelsmann and
Mannion said they are trying to set up events for a variety of age
groups (supposedly speed dating is most popular for those ages 35 to
50). The Internet lists speed-dating services for gays, lesbians and
other special-interest groups, although none of them appear to be
available yet locally.=======================
8minuteDating
upcoming events
Where: Cafe Balaban, 405 North Euclid Avenue
in the Central West End (for single professionals ages 28 to
38)
When: 6:45 p.m. Wednesday
Where: SqWires, 1415
South 18th Street in the Lafayette Square neighborhood (for single
professionals ages 30 to 40)
When: 7 p.m. July 31
More
info: 314-640-1754 or 314-580-5099 or
www.8minuteDating.com
RELATIONSHIPS
Published in Everyday
Magazine on Sunday, July 21,
2002.
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