In an age when many singles turn to the Internet for matchmaking, some feel there's nothing like a face-to-face first meeting to quickly assess if someone might be a fit.
How much time does it take to know? Hours? Seconds?
What: "8minuteDating" at Scargo Cafe
When: 3-5 p.m.; March 6 and April 3 for ages 40-55; March 13, ages 54-69; March 20, ages 29-43
Where: 799 Main St., Dennis
Cost: $39.95 registration fee (includes hors d'oeuvres)
Registration: 8minuteDating.com (get $8 off with the code 8MD17241)
Information: 508-385-8200, scargocafe.com; for future events at Scargo, check 8minuteDating.com.
How about eight minutes?
"A lot of times, we know in a nanosecond if we'd want a second date with someone," says Tom Jaffe, CEO and founder of 8minuteDating.com.
"This is a way to have eight different conversations with eight different potential dates in one fun evening."
The speed-dating service 8minuteDating began in Boston in 2001, and now single Cape Codders will have a chance to see for themselves what it's all about on four separate evenings this month and next at Scargo Cafe in Dennis.
At an 8minuteDating event, pre-registered participants are given a dating card upon arrival. They are known to other participants only by their first name and three random digits. You do not give out your last name, e-mail address or phone number to your dates, so it's private and safe.
And then the fun begins.
During
the next hour or so, people get to meet and greet eight members of the
opposite sex, and maybe find a spark. (There are also same-sex events;
check out the Web site
for more information.)
"The ultimate goal, of course, is to find somebody you make a connection with, but in the short term you're there to have a nice time," says Jaffe. "It's a very fun time. You get to sit down, have lots of nice conversations, unlike at a bar or a singles party, where you can't always talk. Since you don't ask anyone out on the spot, the pressure is off and you can just enjoy yourself."
Lest you have visions of an evening ending with some people getting picked and some being left standing alone, fear not. These events do not play out like some middle school not-being-chosen-for-the-team horror. Participants take their cards home, visit 8minuteDating.com and enter whether they like someone as a date, friend, business contact or not at all. If you have a match — two people wanting the same contact — you can then get in touch through the Web site.
"We all have fragile egos, and we want to make sure everybody stays emotionally intact and has a nice time," Jaffe says. "In a typical situation, you have to ask someone out and can be rejected, but this is very comfortable and the pressure is off."
What if someone you really liked doesn't reciprocate?
"If you don't get a match, you can send a 'second chance' e-mail," says Jaffe. "You send an e-mail blindly to say whatever you want that maybe you didn't get to say that night. But that's it; if the interest isn't mutual, it ends there. No one will ever be harassed by someone they're not interested in."
David Troutman, who co-owns Scargo Cafe with his brother, Peter, says they'd been looking for a way to bring in some new clientele and to perk people up during the long, cold winter.
"We're always looking for ways to do something different, and this seemed like a fun event for people to come to. If it goes well, we'd love to do more," he says.
Troutman says the cafe space isn't huge, but that just might make things a little less overwhelming.
"We can fit about 32 people in our tavern, and that seems like a good number to start with. We're all excited about it; the staff and customers are all talking about it. We think it's going to be a lot of fun for everyone."
Troutman and Jaffe agree that it's much easier to get women to plan ahead and sign up to do something like this. People are already signing up, and the numbers are skewing toward more women.
"Our research shows that women prefer this to Internet dating," Jaffe says. "If men were smart, they'd find their way to these events, because they're a lot more likely to meet someone."
Jaffe says 8minuteDating is like "Internet dating in reverse."
"You have the ability to actually look at someone. With online dating, you go through the resume thing basing the connection on what they're telling you. Then, after lots of buildup and expectations, you finally get to have 'the meeting,' which by now involves lots of heightened expectations and you're committed to more than eight minutes," Jaffe says.
"Everybody has something to tell you — you can have a great time talking to everybody. This is a good way to meet lots of great people. And who knows, maybe if someone you meet there ends up just being a good friend, they might know someone who's perfect for you. You just never know."
8minuteDating.com's “8 Ways to Connect in 8 Minutes,” from founder Tom Jaffe:
1. Dress to impress. Make a good first impression by wearing clothing that is appropriate for the occasion and venue.
2. Relax and have fun. Be yourself and focus on enjoying the experience of meeting and talking with people, rather than trying to impress people.
3. Greet your dates with a smile and a handshake; be sure to use their first name.
4. Create a way for your dates to remember you by doing something unique that fits your personality. For example, bring a flower for each of your dates or share a unique story.
5. Take an interest in each person you meet and listen to what they say. Use the information they provide about themselves to ask additional questions. Remember, even if you're not romantically interested, you could meet a new friend or business contact.
6. Pay attention to your body language and theirs. When people are connecting, their posture, hand placement, facial expressions, volume of their voice and even breathing rate tend to be similar.
7. Create a balanced conversation where both people speak for about an equal amount of time. Don't spend the entire eight minutes talking about yourself.
8. When the eight minutes are up, close the conversation on an upbeat note. Look your date in the eye, smile and tell him or her you enjoyed speaking. Then comment on a part of your conversation to show that you were listening.
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