State of the date
Looking for a
relationship? Singles say it’s ‘difficult’
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Upcoming
8minuteDating events
For: Gay
men and lesbian women ages 30-60
When: 7
p.m. Sept. 15
Where: Toucans Tiki
Lounge, 2100 N. Palm Canyon Drive, Palm
Springs
Price: $35
For:
21- to 33-year-old men and women
When:
6:38 p.m. Sept. 29
Where: Buckett's
Sports Bar & Grill, 155 S. Belardo Road, Palm
Springs
Price:
$35
Information: 409-5029 or http://www.8minutedating.com/.
Other events are planned, call for
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Single golfers The American
Singles Golf Association
For:
Singles 21 and older who have an interest in
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| | By Richard Guzmán and Kelly O’Connor
The
Desert Sun
August 29th, 2004
The summer sun isn’t the only thing that can get hot in
the desert.
With plenty of tourists looking to have a
good time, and more than enough bars serving up the age-old
love potion known as alcohol -- casual hookups are
common.
"It’s not hard to meet people here. Everyone is
friendly and willing to have a good time," said 32-year-old
Palm Springs bachelor Allen Watkins.
Although casual
flings may be easy with people shuffling in and out of the
desert, finding a serious relationship is a bit more
challenging, local singles say.
"In my age group it’s a
little difficult (finding a relationship) because a lot of
people my age already have families," said 36-year-old Johnny
Masegosa, who recently moved here from Los
Angeles.
Most people his age, Masegosa said, are
getting married or starting families.
Masegosa is not a
fan of the bar scene and said there are limited choices when
it comes to relationships.
"In Los Angeles there’s more
people around … here there’s just not that many people," he
said.
Dr. Kenneth Garett, a licensed psychologist who
practices in Palm Springs, agrees -- dating is limited in the
valley, he said.
"For older people it’s not bad,
there’s a lot of elderly widows, but when you’re in the work
world the pool is limited," he said.
Those in their
30s and 40s tend to be involved in relationships or already
married, Garett said.
He met his girlfriend out of town
and before that he used the online dating service Jdate.com to
meet Jewish women.
Also the author of "Relationship
Patterns and Styles," Garett said the No. 1 hurdle single
people find is accessibility.
"People don’t make enough
effort to do active things outside of their daily lives and
work," he said.
That’s why people are using dating
services, joining church groups and turning to Web sites to
meet people, Garett said.
"There’s nothing wrong with
any of those, as long as you develop patience," he
said.
When Garett used online dating services he had to
screen out a lot of people.
"Most of them don’t work
out. They’ll send you pictures of themselves from 10 years ago
and now they’re older and fatter," he said.
And then
there are the people who are afraid of
commitment.
"These are the people that are constantly
complaining they can’t meet anyone," Garett said.
His
advice is to get out there and try new things. The more you do
and the more you meet people, he said, the more opportunities
there are for possible dates.
Speed
dating
Plenty of singles were making an effort two
weeks ago at the Village Pub in Palm Springs.
Victor
Vazquez, a 26-year-old, sat near the bar with Watkins as the
two prepared to meet potential dates.
They took part
in an 8minuteDating event designed to give men and women eight
minutes to chat with several different dating candidates.
Each person gets a number and carries a form along
with them to jot notes about whom they meet. On the form are
boxes to check if you want to meet the person again for a
second date, friendship or business.
If the selections
match, the dating service provides the pair with each other’s
phone number or e-mail.
Forty-six people came out to
meet a potential match.
"I thought it would be fun …
people were really enjoying themselves," said Loriann Rhodes,
organizer of the 8minuteDating event.
Relationship-free
since high school, Vazquez was drawn by the idea of meeting
several women in one night. Sipping on a Corona and emanating
Givenchy cologne, Vazquez’s plan for the evening was to be
himself.
He says he is energetic, self-disciplined and
motivated.
No luck for Vazquez.
He wasn’t
interested in dating any of the six women he met.
"They
were (OK), just not my type," he said.
So for now,
Vazquez said he will continue to be single and concentrate on
school.
The costs of
dating
As singles continue the hunt for a
relationship -- many are willing to invest more than their
hearts.
Palm Springs resident Rhonda Raum, 37, shelled
out $1,200 to join Great Expectations, a dating service that
screens and interviews members before connecting
them.
Raum, an interior decorator, went on three dates
a month through the service. She went out three times with one
man, who Raum said seemed nice at first. Then she got a "bad
vibe" and told him she didn’t want to see him
anymore.
"He called me at 3 in the morning and told me
that women were crazy and don’t know what they want," she
said.
Raum changed her phone number and decided the
service wasn’t for her.
"I’ve become quite picky
obviously," she said. "I have been on so many bad all-night
blind dates," Raum said.
She plans on attending local
business and chamber mixers to meet more people who are
potential dating material.
Cathedral City resident
Briar Faulkner opted for a lunch dating service, to no avail.
A 36-year-old bubbly, outgoing brunette who has lived in the
valley for five years, Faulkner calls the local dating scene
"painful."
To increase her chances of meeting that
special someone she joined "It’s Just Lunch-- Dating for Busy
Professionals."
Faulkner goes on a date about once
every three weeks. Most of the dates through the service have
her traveling to Orange County.
Locally she goes to
art festivals and tennis tournaments in hopes of finding that
guy who is "kind, positive and successful."
Tee time
Others use one of the
desert’s most popular activities to find love.
"Dating
in the Coachella Valley is easy, if you are a golfer," said
Sheryl Eaton, West Regional Development Manager of The
American Singles Golf Association.
The group has 60
chapters nationwide, with about 120 members in the Palm
Springs chapter.
The members, who range in age from 50
to 85, get together for golf and dinners.
They must be
single to join the group, but Eaton said dating is not their
No. 1 priority.
"That way it’s a less threatening
atmosphere. Although romance happens," she said.
"We
get together for any reason and we have several members who
have coupled up," she said.
But if these couples ever
decide to tie the knot, then they’re out of the group, Eaton
said.
"Of course, we do miss them," she
said.
Without the singles group, Eaton said many of the
members would probably be working the bar scene like other
valley residents.
"I couldn’t see myself doing that,"
she said.
Masegosa, who also attended the 8minuteDating
event but didn’t find romance, said he will likely steer clear
of the bar scene and dating services as well.
"I’ll
meet more people through friends," he said.
Kelly
O’Connor is a features reporter with The Desert Sun.
Contact her at 778-6435 or Kelly.Oconnor@thedesertsun.com.
Richard Guzmán is a reporter for The Desert Sun. He can
be reached at 778-4705 or by e-mail at
Richard.Guzman@thedesertsun.com
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