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The dating fast-lane

By Nancy Eichhorn
features@seacoastonline.com

Literally hundreds of eligible bachelors wander past Tracey Lauder at the University of New Hampshire’s Dimond Library. Be they graduate students, assistant, associate, or full professors, staff members, or nontraditional students - it doesn’t matter to this single, administrative office manager. What counts is, is there a significant other in their lives?

"You don’t necessarily know who’s looking or not," says Lauder, 41, who laughs as she admits she checks out men’s ring fingers almost compulsively.

Recently divorced, the bar scene wasn’t working for Lauder. Then a friend told her about an 8-minute dating event in Boston.

Tom Jaffee, a local entrepreneur, had combined his software skills and marketing experience - he was part of the Microsoft team that launched Windows 3.0 - to develop a "technological solution to essentially eliminate the need for a bad blind date" and called it 8minuteDating.

Here’s how it works: an equal number of men and women each pay $28.88 to meet at a local restaurant, bar or club. When you arrive, you receive a nametag, a dating card and table assignments. With your name and number written on your nametag, you mingle, perhaps meeting prospective partners, until the bell rings, announcing the first round of dates.

Participants spend eight minutes talking one-on-one, relying on their best interviewing and schmoozing skills. Lost for something to say? Prompts are provided on the back of the dating card such as: your ideal job, sports, hobbies, current events, and the ever-popular list of favorites: movies, books, restaurants, vacations.

When the bell rings, you note on your card if you’d like to meet this person again either for dating, friendship or business. After four dates, there’s a 20-minute intermission to mix with others, whom you can also note on your card as possible candidates.

With another ding of the bell, you begin the second round of "dating."

Later that night, in the privacy of your home, you enter the names of all the people you want to meet again on the 8minuteDating Web site.

When names match, contact information arrives via e-mail.

Then it’s up to you to make the call for another date, perhaps 60 minutes for coffee.

Lauder opted to narrow her search and orchestrate a local 8minuteDating event Nov. 25, at 6:30 p.m., at Paddy’s American Grille, 27 International Drive, Pease International Tradeport.

"I think it’s a neat step, in terms of the dating scene," says Lauder, who adds she’s feeling a bit intimidated.

"It’s focused. We’re all in the same boat. It’s hard enough dating," she says, and now she’s "organizing a dating scene."

For those who’ve done the dating dance, they know meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right isn’t easy.

"I came out of the dating closet a year ago and decided to take fate into my own hands," says Mary, a 41-year-old local librarian, who requested anonymity so as not to jinx her chances at the upcoming event.

"Waiting for someone to just show up in my life isn’t working. As one friend says, ‘men aren’t exactly parachuting into my bedroom.’"

Gone are the days of casual meetings and set-ups between friends of friends. Today’s singles actively seek a mate through online dating services, video match-ups, professional mixers, personal want ads, and even a few holdouts who still peruse the Thursday night bar scene in hopes of securing a Friday night date.

"There’s a lot of time involved e-mailing to just reach a point where you meet for a cup of coffee, Mary says. "And even though it’s virtual reality, it’s not reality. How you imagine someone from their writing has nothing to do with what you encounter in reality."

Lauder laughs, hearing Mary’s Internet dating story, then recounts an e-mail love affair that turned sour when she and Mr. Perfect finally met. The man chewed with his mouth open, bits of food spewed forth as he spoke, and she just couldn’t connect.

Thus, the advantage of meeting face-to-face right from the get go. Mary hopes to meet single men her age that share common interests. She wants a man who’s "interested in an interesting woman. A man with a lust for life." She’s had it with misleading Internet experiences where "men are looking for the brains and experience of a 40-year-old woman with the hot body of a 24-year-old blonde."

A tip for Mary. For optimal results, Lauder says to mark all three options on the dating card: business, friendship, and date. Statistically, there’s more chance of a match, she says.

According to the statistics on the 8minuteDating Web site, "99 percent of attendees reported that they enjoyed their evening of 8minuteDating. Of that number, 81 percent said they had a "very good" or "excellent" time. Ninety-six percent of the attendees said they would attend another 8minuteDating event, and 95 percent said they would recommend 8minuteDating to others."

Yet, some people are hard-pressed to believe you can base a relationship on an eight-minute meeting.

Nancy Cicco, a reporter for the Portsmouth Herald’s York offices, participated in a spin-off event a year and a half ago.

Assigned to cover a 7-minute date night in Kittery, Maine, the 40-year-old, single journalist went with both personal and professional questions - part of her was interested in connecting with someone.

Unlike the upcoming event, which is limited to 30- to 45-year-old professionals, this gathering was open to all age ranges. Cicco "dated" a 65-year-old widower, whose wife passed on three months prior, and who claimed he was fine; a divorcee who spent the entire seven minutes bad-mouthing his ex-wife and a man who had recently relocated to Maine, "from very far away."

"I might do it again," she says, adding that she did receive a match, which she never pursued. "It seemed like seven minutes was an interesting time to rule out people, but I’m not sure it’s enough time to rule in people."

Cicco also noted she knew nothing about these men. As a journalist covering local crime, she wondered if her potential match had a criminal record. "He could be an ax murderer from away," she says, adding that without personal references, it would be difficult to know whom you might date.

Lauder confirmed there are no background checks and, with most dating situations, like online services, men and women are reminded to use common sense.

"Keep your wits about you," says Lauder. "You can’t be naïve. All adults have to be aware." ices, men and women are reminded to use common sense.

Women are signing up, and with only one man currently committed, he’s in for a busy night.

Lauder says jokingly that she’s making the rounds - Home Depot, Mike’s Iron Gym, Jiffy Lube, anywhere men might hang out to spread the word.

Mary’s hopeful and already pondering what she wants men to know about her, and what she wants to know about them. Mary realizes she won’t know a man in eight minutes, but "sometimes," she says, "it only takes one sentence and that’s enough to know if you at least want to meet for coffee."

The Nov. 25 8minuteDating night is sold out for women, unless they recruit a man to join them. For information, or tocall Lauder at 743-3536, or check out the website - www.8minutedating.com.

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